New Year, Same You

New Strategy for goal-setting: the Anti-Goal

Overview

You can goal set & strategy design any time of year, but nothing feels more fresh than the start of a new year. But this year, you’re going to do things differently.

You’re going to think about all the results you don’t want.
& in doing so,
you will obtain more than any other year.

Issue(s)

I wrote about Intentional Goal Setting and punctuating each year with little moments (planting a tree, picking up trash on Earth Day) to make your days stand out instead of running on repeat. Though seemingly minor, these intentional moments carry a huge impact.

Goals are check-off lists that make you feel good.

Many of us stop there - with all the warm fuzzy things we want to achieve.

Then, once we start working towards a goal, we realize it’s more complicated than we imagined: it’s tough, we need other skills to get it, or we don’t have time for it.

& we flake.

Analysis:

You had the foresight to envision the future, so why didn’t you also foresee the complications, the skills, and the time it would take to earn your goal?

→ Because you haven’t spent time analyzing the anti-goal.

The anti-goal is all the specific things you don’t want to happen as you reach your goal or if you fail. The anti-goal acts as a boundary for you so that when you hit it, you bump yourself back towards your desired destination.

Anti-goals might be:

  • a conversation with someone you want to avoid

  • a result that would make you vomit

  • certain self-talk you want to avoid

When you identify your anti-goal, you know where you’re going and what you’ll avoid.

Think of it like traveling. You want to fly from Maine (where you are today) to California (your goal), and when searching for flights, you add filters for the shortest flight duration, cheapest seats, and no overnight layovers.

The extra constraints don’t hurt your search; they help you get your desired flight.

Solution:

Brainstorm around your goal by being a villain - someone who wants to destroy your goal.

Think about the fallout if you don’t meet your goal - what things would you hate to endure or show up with at the end of the year?

Anticipate what you don’t want to happen and why your goal could fail.

This approach can help you identify potential obstacles and weaknesses in your plan, allowing you to develop strategies to overcome them and strengthen your commitment to achieving your goal.

Action:

Whether it’s your particular goals or your joint goals with your partner, identify what success looks like to you, then ask yourself the anti-goal questions:

  • What’s the #1 thing I don’t want to happen by having this goal?

  • What’s a boundary I could put around this goal to help me get what I want?

  • What could my partner say or do that could derail this goal?

  • How will I return to my goal if I run into a roadblock?

Conclusion:

Discuss with your partner what matters to both of you this year. After you write down your goals, keep talking about them!

If they’re worth writing down, they’re worth discussing - the dreams, the effort, and the anti-goals.

Thinking about your biggest challenges will help you prepare for them and get closer to achieving your goals.

Thrive together,

Michelle

P.S. Just like humans, this newsletter isn’t perfect. I'm always looking to make it better for you. If you have any ideas on how I can improve it, please reply to this email with your suggestions.

P.P.S. Happy New Year! Whether you want to change or stay the same, this year’s for you. Keep what’s working, ditch what’s harmful, and grow what’s needed.