Intentional Discomfort

Overview

Don’t get comfortable with your relationship, seek to get uncomfortable.

Comfort = same state. Discomfort = growth.

Issue(s)

When we’re comfortable, we queue our auto-pilot. (Thank you cruise control, AI, human memory that ensures we make it home each day.)

When we’re uncomfortable, we turn on increased awareness. Things are…different. New. Scary? Cringeworthy. A little bit AH! 😳 

And also something to remember. Perhaps because we pushed ourselves to do something we never thought we’d do. 🤔 

Analysis:

Discomfort hangs out with words that have a negative vibe: pain (ouch!), anxiousness (what if), embarrassment (why did I do that), trepidation (AH!).

Instead of embracing discomfort, we often tolerate wit with a smile or outright avoid it.

But discomfort isn’t inherently bad, it’s a test. You might even call it an active experiment — trying something new to discover results and make progress.

A 2020 psychology study showed that seeking discomfort transformed discomfort into motivation, which then resulted in personal growth. Participants viewed discomfort not as a signal to stop, but as a sign of progress towards achieving their goal.

Consider skydiving. Scary for most of us—like oh sh*t scary. Enter discomfort avoidance—you don’t bring up that crazy idea to your partner because you are not entering that plane. But…what if you did?

How cool would it be for you and your partner to jump out of a plane together and view the world from 10,000 feet in the air? What a memory! What connection would you gain?

The challenge of discomfort allows you to learn about yourself, the world, and your partner.

Solution:

❗️ You don't need extreme measures to strengthen your relationship.

Seek discomfort at home through conversations, new habits like a no-phones after 6pm rule, or altering your mindset to embrace your realities.

Remember, you signed up for Partnership Pulse to discover and do something different with your partner. Shake things up and challenge your relationship status quo, no matter if your current state is good, ugly, or great.

🌱 We all need some growth.

Action:

 📌 Have a conversation with your partner and pinpoint areas where you feel uneasy. That uncomfortable spot is where you can improve and develop together.

What are:

• Topics you’ve avoided bringing up?

  • Consider vulnerable or sensitive conversations. Reflect on important topics that need to be discussed.

• Habits you’ve wanted to add into your routine, but doing them always takes more effort?

  • Consider what’s stopping you from making a new routine and explore how to remove roadblocks for each other.

  • 💡 Consider mindset shifts.

• Dreams you want to come true, but always seem to get shut down or put off?

  • Share your dreams and make it a point to listen and understand then encourage obtaining these dreams.

Conclusion:

Actively seek discomfort together.

Lean into it with inquisitiveness.

Discomfort is enduring the short term effects of sweaty palms and OMG to achieve the long-term gain of growing with your partner.

Let’s grow together,

Michelle @ Partnership Pulse

P.S. This post was inspired by someone who chose "Discomfort" as their word of the year. It may not sound glamorous, but it’s a clear reminder of what you need to do to expand your comfort zone and find growth.

📧 Please email me your word of the year that’s going to motivate you to break out of your comfort zone in the upcoming year!

P.P.S. If use this post to choose a “word of the year”, here are some ideas of how to keep that word front and center. My favorite is curating a reading list related to your word of the year.

It’s less than two days away—Happy New Year!