Intentional Active Experimentation

Overview

The final step in deep reflection is using your insights to take different (or similar) actions in the future. Psychologist Graham Gibbs called this step action planning, but David A. Kolb calls it active experimentation.

Let’s distill that:

What if each goal you set for 2024 is an experiment to learn more about your relationship?

(Did you feel a little pressure roll off your back?)

Issue(s)

After you’ve overcome your obstacle to reflecting and used reflection to find clarity, you’re ready to take action. (Deep reflection will help you grow, but it will only be transformational if you use the knowledge you’ve discovered.)

When you set a goal or ultimatum (*cough* resolution) for yourself, you often grade the result on a pass/fail scale.

Pass/fail increases the pressure to achieve the result you want. If you don’t achieve the result, you might say the phrase “I/you/we FAILED.”

If you know anything about life or music, you know there are ups and downs. “You can’t always get what you want, but, if you try sometimes, well, you might find you get what you need.”

Analysis:

What do pass/fail and the Rolling Stones have to do with the last step in reflecting?

Sometimes, the result that ends up happening may not be what you expected, but it might be a better solution for you and your partner or help you narrow down what to try the next time around.

🤔 Hmm, sounds a bit like being a scientist—trying something new to see what will happen, evaluating the results, getting what you need (data) and trying again.

Solution:

When you review your reflections, don’t ask “What action will we take because of this?”

👉️ Ask your partner, “What experiment will we try next?”

🌱 A mindset of active experimentation does two things. 1) It relieves the magnitude of the past and 2) reduces future performance pressure.

Action:

Revisit your reflections on the past year. Keep the clarity that you’ve found, release any negative thoughts or emotions tied to it, and write down the things you learned that you want to experiment on in the next year.

Ask these three questions:

1. How do we want to stretch the boundaries of our comfort zone?

2. What self-awareness or self-growth could I experiment with to enhance our relationship?

3. If this is an experiment what do I have to lose what do I have to gain?

Conclusion:

Reflection provides clarity around emotions and events by looking backward. It’s time to use that backward thinking to propel you forward through active experimentation.

Isn’t life just one big experiment anyway?

Let’s grow together,

Michelle

P.S. Don’t stress if you haven’t started your reflecting yet…you can start anytime and do it in small pieces.

My family kickstarted our reflection with an open-ended question: what did we do this last year that brought us joy and fulfillment? What did we learn from that?

The answer: we loved camping! However, it is not the wisest decision to spontaneously decide, at 12pm, to embark on a camping trip 2 hours away with a one and five-year-old in tow.

Our 2024 experiment: What will it feel like to book our campsite well in advance, ensuring that we are fully prepared for the camping adventure that awaits us?

I’m thinking a lot more ☮️ .