Intentional Tenacity + Flexibility

Overview

Your health is related to how you pursue your goals.

Goal tenacity + goal flexibility = better health
(Proven by data.)

Imagine what would happen
if you pursued your relationship health
using those same skills.

Issue(s)

Have you ever had a goal for your relationship and not achieved it?
( 🖐️, yea, me too.)

What did you do when you didn’t hit the mark?

Did you give up completely?
Stomp or punch a wall?
Cry a river a bit?

How did that loss affect your health?

Did you eat an entire bucket of ice cream?
Verbally lash out at your partner?
Promise to never try again?

👆️ Those negative reactions are normal.
❌ But they aren’t necessary if you alter your approach to relationship goals.

Here’s how adopting flexibility and tenacity can improve your health.

Analysis:

Achieving goals gives you confidence and inspiration.
When you feel positive and accomplished,
you’re less likely to be depressed or angry.

So how do you obtain your goals more often?

Through flexibility and tenacity.

A 2012 study on adults in their 50s found increased well-being in people
who approached their goals with a willingness to adjust the goals
AND a determination to obtain them.

When a person pursued a goal and flexibly modified it while maintaining a steady commitment to the goal, they reported being happier and less hostile.

Need more convincing? A 2023 study also found that goal tenacity and flexibility reduced the negative effects of chronic pain on mental well-being.

💡Interestingly, using only tenacity tactics (mentalities of perseverance, perfectionism, and high achievement) to obtain a goal, resulted in poorer health and more conflict, namely when that goal became unattainable.

Why? Stubborn unwillingness to adjust a failed goal fixates on the loss, rather than disengaging from the failed goal and trying something different.

✅ Mix flexibility AND tenacity and your health starts to improve.

✅ Agree with your partner to commit to and adjust relationship goals and your relationship health will improve.

Solution:

Loosen up and dig in.

If you approach your relationship rigidly, expecting it to fit into a specific goal you have for it, then you’re likely to suffer negative thoughts if your reality falls short of your vision.

But if you tweak your relationship goal as you and your partner work towards the goal AND remain determined to pursue your goal, you’re mental well-being will be healthier and your relationship stronger.

Action:

Assess your flexibility and tenacity. Read the questions and answer agree or disagree. (You can tally them up in each section if you want.)

TENACITY

1. Even when things seem hopeless, I keep fighting for a positive relationship.

2. I stick to my vision for my relationship even in the face of great difficulties.

3. The more difficult the relationship obstacle is to overcome, the more appeal it has to me.

4. I can be very stubborn in pursuing a positive result in my relationship.

5. I set my relationship goals high, even if it may result in disappointment.

FLEXIBILITY

1. If I do not get something I want from my partner, I take it with patience.

2. It is easy for me to accept a relationship setback or defeat.

3. I often find something positive in each interaction with my partner even in a serious mishap.

4. When everything seems to go wrong in my relationship, I can usually find a bright side to a situation.

5. In general, I am not upset for long about an opportunity my partner or I passed up.

If you agree with most items in each section, you’re on track for the power combo move of tenacity + flexibility = healthy relationship well-being.

But if you listed a lot of disagrees, consider how you can grow your mindset and modify goal pursuit to benefit your relationship.

( 🫣 I’ve got A LOT of limbering up to work on.)

Conclusion:

Flexible goal pursuit includes being able to completely discard a goal if it no longer aligns with your strategy, has become unattainable, or was perhaps unrealistic, to begin with.

👉️ What relationship goals are you clinging to that need relinquished?

Tenacity will ensure you develop a new goal that is aligned, attainable, and realistic. (Note: attainable doesn’t mean “without challenge”.)

👉️ How can you adjust your relationship vision to keep pursuing its growth?

Grow together, thrive together.

Until next time,
Michelle

P.S. Sending a warm welcome to those who joined Partnership Pulse last week! So glad you’re here!

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