Intentional Integrity

Overview

Integrity is commonly associated with a moral concept.
Meaning, doing what’s “right" or “wrong”.

🛑 Stop defining integrity that way.

Once you do, you’ll show up better for your partner (and others).

Issue(s)

Integrity encompasses a state of being
complete, undamaged, and possessing sound construction.

The chair you sit in each day that doesn’t break, squeak, or sag when you sit in it demonstrates integrity. You trust the chair to support you when you sit on it.

Imagine if your chair was missing each day you went to your office. 👀 
Or instead of two armrests, it only had one side.
Or when you finally sat on it, the legs broke.

Ugh.

The chair is not reliable, it’s not whole, and it’s not well-made.

Your chair isn’t “wrong”.
But your chair certainly isn’t working.
This creates confusion, uncertainty, and frustration.

You don’t trust it; you don’t trust its integrity.

Analysis:

In your relationship, integrity shows up as:

• What you say to yourself: do you honor what you say you’ll do?

• What you declare to others: are you willing to be held accountable?

• What is expected: what you’re expected to do or not do (even if not explicitly expressed) and doing it on time unless you have said to the contrary.

• What you say you stand for? Do you uphold your values and your authenticity?

When any variety of your word is not upheld, your integrity isn’t whole.
You aren’t whole.
Your relationship isn’t whole
and it might become unworkable.

One thing stopping people from fulfilling their integrity is the fear of admitting they broke it or rationalizing their behavior. (For more integrity roadblocks check out this interview.)

This is why building psychological safety in your relationship is paramount to encouraging each person to overcome fear and communicate openly.

Solution:

The good news - your integrity is in your control.

Surprisingly, you can still build trust if you fail to keep your word, but you find a way to honor it. An example is:

• "I told you that I would clean all the bathrooms this weekend, but I now know I can’t get to it. I apologize, and I’ll do it on Monday.”

  ➡️ You broke your word, yet you repaired it.

• In business, it’s a service failure that is resolved positively. “All the King rooms are booked, but we can upgrade you to the hotel suite.”

Upgrades won’t fix everything and if you’re consistently “repairing” your integrity, then that’s a sign you don’t have it.

👉️ It’s easier to stick to your word.

Action:

To strengthen your word, start with nudges.

• If you say you’ll quit work in 20 minutes for date night, set a timer to keep you on time.

• If you say you’ll work out tomorrow, make the goal small (even 5 minutes can be a win if you aren’t working out at all).

• Say no more often to anyone or anything that doesn’t align with your values.

To explore the conversation with your partner ask:

• What commitments have I made to you this week?

• Do you find me inconsistent in anything I say or do?

• Is there anything you don’t feel you can rely on me for?

• How can I show up whole for you?

Conclusion:

Integrity is a foundational force that ensures your relationship is whole, reliable, and consistent.

And a gentle nudge: you still have 1 month left to achieve your first-quarter goals. Stay accountable. 🙂

Let’s thrive together,

Michelle

P.S. Sending a Heeeey 👋 to those who joined Partnership Pulse last week!

P.P.S. I’d love to hear your declaration! Leave a testimonial here.