Intentional Gratitude

Overview

Gratitude is a staple word around Thanksgiving. Are you using it how it’s meant to be used? Gratitude is defined as the quality of being thankful and a readiness to show appreciation.

It’s a two-step process: 1) be thankful 2) show appreciation.

Issue(s)

Saying only what you’re grateful for doesn’t dig deep into what you saw or valued in the other person or event. The “grateful” part is you-focused, but the second part, appreciation, is others-focused.

Example of failed gratefulness: I am grateful for my family.

Excellent…but WHY?

Analysis:

Most people stop at step 1: family, the smell of fall leaf piles, and your partner doing the dishes. When we stop at step 1, we miss out on the most valuable part: verbalizing our recognition of the actions or good someone else did and why that was important.

💡 Thought: How do you feel when someone verbalizes their appreciation of you? (I bet it’s warm and fuzzy.)

Solution:

Go the extra step. When you practice gratitude, practice appreciation.

Action:

Add a gratitude question into your daily routine with your partner, but structure your answer in a way that also verbalizes the value in someone or something that you recognized. It looks like this:

Q: What is something you’re grateful for today?

A: I’m grateful for [X] because I recognize [Y].

Example Answer filling in X and Y: I’m grateful you stuck around to give me an extra kiss this morning before heading to work. I recognize that you chose not to rush out the door but instead slowed down so we could have an intentional moment of touch. You made it special.

Conclusion:

We should share our appreciation more often. It’s those positive, grateful comments that will subtly show your partner what you value while reinforcing how much you recognize and appreciate the good things your partner is doing.

👀 Don’t let your partner go unnoticed
📣 Verbalize appreciation

Until next week,

Michelle @ Partnership Pulse

P.S. This holiday weekend isn’t over yet. There’s a boatload of gratitude sitting next to the boatload of gravy in your fridge. Don’t waste either.