Intentional Feedback Sequence

Overview

Feedback is essential to encourage or correct someone’s action.

You’ve likely heard you should layer critical feedback between two positive feedback comments — AKA the feedback sandwich.
(Positive - Critique - Positive)

But data demonstrates this isn’t the best way to influence the receiver.

The more effective way?
Deliver feedback using CCP. (Critique - Positive - Positive)

Issue(s)

The compliment sandwich is messy and moldy.

You risk your partner amplifying the negative feedback you provided or glossing over that part and only focusing on the positive.

🤔 Hmm, sounds like presenting. You share your most important points first and last because people are attentive at those times but tune out in the middle.

Analysis:

❌ The least effective feedback sequences were: Positive - Critique - Positive and Positive - Positive - Critique.

• Performance decreased when the last thing a person heard was a negative comment.

✅ The more successful feedback sequence that resulted in positive behavior was: Critique - Positive - Positive.

• Beginning with the negative hooked the person’s attention. Ending with the positive encouraged the person to apply the feedback and adjust their behavior.

Solution:

Cut to the chase.

Be upfront about the feedback you want to give and include context for why this conversation is important to strengthen your relationship.

Ground the purpose of the feedback in improving an aspect of your relationship instead of your partner’s shortcoming.

Here are three strategies with examples of how to get started:

• Explain why the feedback is important

  • It will help you: I’m sharing this feedback because [doing x] will help me [do something better, such as voice my thoughts without being shut down].

  • It will benefit your partner: I’m providing these comments because you set a goal of [specific goal] and I know you can achieve this.

  • It will help your relationship: I’d like to comment on this because I know our relationship would be stronger if [something occurred, such as we approached conflict positively.]

• Be clear feedback can be shared both ways

  • Since this issue has come up repeatedly, I think it would be helpful if we gave each other suggestions for how we can better support each other as a team next time [scenario] happens.

• Shift your partner’s mindset from receiving feedback to actively seeking it

  • I noticed a couple of things [about the situation] and I was wondering if you’re open to hearing some feedback about it?

Action:

Be clear and thoughtful about how you deliver feedback to your partner.

Provide the critique first,
ground it as a way to benefit your relationship,
and end it with positive confidence in your partner.

Conclusion:

Keep in mind,
people are (usually) harder on themselves than they are on other people.

Be hard on the problem, and soft on your partner.

Let’s thrive together,

Michelle @ Partnership Pulse

P.S. I noticed 59% of you open my newsletter, which is great!

I was wondering…would you be willing to give me anonymous feedback about how Partnership Pulse is doing? (5 min.)