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- Intentional Energy
Overview
Have you ever experienced the thrill of bargaining for a better deal, the exhilaration of presenting to a crowd, or the rush of playing in a big game?
The importance of captivating your audience's attention and keeping the energy up cannot be overstated.
Most people prepare for those interactions.
They bring their A-game, armed with skills and a contagious energy that's simply irresistible.
So…what kind of energy are you bringing to the conversations in your relationships?
Issue(s)
Your weekly team meetings, evening dinners, or even date nights with your partner may have fallen into a comfortable routine that has become second nature. This routine brings a sense of ease and familiarity, like slipping into baggy sweatpants after a long day. ( ✅ Yes, please.)
While comfortable situations provide some rest for your overworked brain, ❗️when you’re at ease, you are more likely to unintentionally tune out the person you’re with or may fail to fully engage with what they are saying.
Analysis:
Studies show you are less likely to listen to someone you know really well.
{ You mean someone like my partner? 👀 ) Yes.
This phenomenon is called closeness-communication bias. Because of your consistent exposure to and understanding of this person, you anticipate their thoughts, and instead of genuinely listening to what they are saying, you rely on your internal thoughts and perceptions more than the other person.
Another way to put it, you have created a stereotype of this person. Your brain only works hard enough to fit them into that predefined box instead of understanding that each day, your partner is evolving into who they are—just like you.
Evolving?
They may have lost the taste of meals they once enjoyed, changed their favorite color, or found a new way of looking at a personal problem—so when you expect them to do X, they now do Y.
💡 It’s in these moments of everyday change that your partner wants to be seen.
Are you eagerly exploring their changes with them?
Solution:
Fresh eyes + some speaking techniques.
Just like a motivational speaker or comedian brings renewed enthusiasm when delivering the same content time and again, your preparation and energy can invite you and your partner to lean in and truly be present.
How can you make this a reality? Let's explore a simple yet transformative technique called PPITA. 🫓
Preparation: intentional thought or action to make ready for use.
Athletes warm up hours before their event—and you don’t have time for that! But you can spare a few intentional minutes to imagine how you’ll engage with your partner.
As your day unfolds, note how to share your experiences. So when you’re asked about your day, you can list your highlights with enthusiasm rather than vaguely say, “It was okay.”
Pace: how fast or slow you speak.
Are you in a hurry to talk because you’re thinking about your to-do list? This hurry fails to acknowledge your partner.
Are you speaking so slowly that your excitement fails to register? A little speed edges partner forward on their seat.
Inflection: how you stress individual words or phrases.
Inflection helps convey your emotions, intentions, and nuances more effectively, captivating and engaging your partner meaningfully. It can be as simple as how you say your partner’s name. Stern? Playful? Endearing?
For the best results, say your partner’s name in a way that makes them feel welcome, not in a way that sounds like they are going to detention.
Tonality: the mood your words convey.
A harsh or defensive tone may throw your partner into self-protection and shut down insightful conversation.
A gentle and compassionate tone can create a safe space for supportive dialogue. The conversation lasts longer when the tone is curious and open instead of accusing.
Attitude: your disposition to respond in a consistently favorable or unfavorable manner concerning a person, an object, an idea, or an event.
Showing favorable respect for your partner will naturally encourage them to turn on their good listening skills and lean into the conversation because you’re demonstrating how you value them.
This means giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Action:
Use the PPITA technique (or one of the items) in your next conversation and see how it transforms your discussion.
Need some help? Try one of these:
Use your partner’s name throughout the dialogue to gain and retain their attention. (Try using a slightly different tone than you usually would.)
“That’s a good point, Kyle. Tell me more.”
Thank them for what you’re hoping they give you—their attention.
“It means a lot that you can devote your full attention to this.”
Unveil your own evolution. Share a story about what’s different about you today than yesterday or last week, and then invite your partner to share it afterward.
“I realized [thing in your relationship] used to be important to me, but lately [a different thing in your relationship] as been more valuable to me because it [benefit it provides].
Conclusion:
The goal is not to overthink a conversation or put on a performance.
The point is breaking the routine by showing up authentically with eager and curious energy and a desire to engage your partner.
Thrive together,
Michelle @ Partnership Pulse
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