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- Intentional Burn Bright
Overview
Only ¼ of people rarely feel burnout at work - leaving ¾ of workers who regularly are overwhelmed by unmanaged stress. 🤯
👎️ The bad news: burnout isn't limited to work; it can affect relationships too, either spilling over from work stress or originating within the relationship itself.
👍️ The good news: by understanding the top 5 causes of burnout, you can significantly strengthen your relationship by addressing common stressors.
Issue(s)
Burnout manifests in three major ways:
exhaustion or low energy
reduced kindness or respect for your partner
mental distance from your partner, which includes
a general negative attitude about your relationship
Have you ever looked at the dishes in the sink and thought:
Ugh, I’m too tired to do the dishes.
This is so frustrating! My partner never helps out.
or
Fine. I’ll do these, but I’m not talking to my partner the rest of the night.
👆️ Any one of those thoughts could be an indication of burnout.
Analysis:
Understanding the top reasons for burnout can help you and your partner prevent or manage stress rather than let it pile up into relationship burnout.
The top five reasons for burnout are:
Unfair treatment
↳ This may appear as not giving your spouse the positive benefit of the doubt, inconsistent application of house rules, or could be caused by mistrust and a lack of psychological safety in your relationship.
Unmanageable workload
↳ It causes you to feel overworked and overwhelmed, such as being strapped with all the housework and all the adult responsibilities without seeing any breaks in your future.
Unclear communication
↳ When partners don’t provide each other with the information they need to fully understand each other’s perspectives, goals, and expectations. Instead of creating dialogue, it creates confusion or arguments.
Lack of support
↳ If your partner isn’t cheering you on, you’re often left deflated instead of energized, leading to isolated sadness.
Unreasonable pressure
↳ If your weekends are constantly packed with back-to-back social engagements or you ask your partner to do things they aren’t good at and then show disappointment when they don’t succeed, then that is a lot of unhealthy pressure.
Solution:
For every reason that contributes to burnout, there is a corresponding solution.
Here are some thoughtful and practical ideas to counteract the most common and significant reasons for experiencing relationship burnout.
Practice fair, respectful treatment
✅Create a life where it’s okay to take risks, express ideas and concerns, and be a person who recognizes your partner's contributions. This starts with psychological safety with each other.
Divvy out manageable workloads
✅ Consider what is a manageable workload in your relationship. Is one person carrying all the weight? Is someone in a rut and needs a some short-term help? Or is one of you always getting stuck doing a chore that could easily be shared? Divide the work fairly.
(Tip: “Fair” in this context may look different than a numbered list split equally.)
Provide clear communication
✅Regularly discuss wins/losses, goals, and concerns. The more dialogue you can open between you and your partner, the deeper the level of understanding you will create. Consider a daily check-in.
Support each other
✅ Encourage each other’s personal goals and ideas and help each other evolve into a better version of yourself. Think “Yes Day” every day for each of you.
Be flexible and use strengths
✅ Build in flexibility to schedules to relieve the pressure of being “on” all the time. Add in time to relax. Additionally, lean into each other’s strengths to reduce anxiety over learning something new, and when your partner tries something new, go back to #4.
Action:
Choose at least one area of relationship burnout and do a pulse check on that particular area with yourself and your partner. Ask:
On a scale of 1 to 10, do you/I feel [insert burnout topic from below]?
treated fairly in our relationship?
like our workloads are balanced?
we communicate regularly and enough?
supported by one another?
our schedule has enough flexibility built into it?
No matter what your partner tells you, say: “Tell me more.”
And keep talking from there. You got this!
Conclusion:
Burnout happens when stress isn't handled well. It comes and goes, but if you notice early warning signs in your partner, you can minimize the stress and stop relationship burnout before it occurs.
Help your partner by noticing if they (or you!) feel very tired, mentally checked out, or suddenly more negative in your relationship. '
Don’t burn out. Burn bright.
Thrive together,
Michelle
P.S. I've revamped my subscription plans! You can do nothing and stick with the free plan or upgrade to a Supporter or Growth Plan.
The Supporter plan helps keep Partnership Pulse running.
The Growth plan keeps you connected to your partner by sending a mid-month bonus email with 3-5 important questions related to that month's theme.
P.P.S. Growth is a process, so keep at it and continue cultivating meaningful conversations with your partner.