Intentional Balance of the Sexes

Overview

When you were a toddler, you expressed yourself without restraint. You shouted! You played; you fell and screamed out regardless of anyone around you. Then you started hearing your parents, kids at school, teachers, or others around you whose praise or disapproval altered how you showed up.

Just like past trauma can affect behavior and thoughts, past interactions greatly influence how we use our voices.

For most of us, we adjusted our voices to adapt to what society told us we needed to be, usually aligning that behavior with gender.

Today, we explore how to identify gaps in your voice to alter how you communicate with your partner.

Issue(s)

Your voice indicates your confidence, which affects your influence and connection with others and your partner.

• If you mumble, people won’t hear you.

• If you talk all the time, people will tune out.

• If you always apologize, you indicate you are not worth someone’s time.

Analysis:

“Tough it out” was the common phrase my parents told me when I was hurt. (I know I'm not the only one who heard this or something similar.) While they meant well, this resulted in growing up in a household that rarely communicated about emotions and instead valued action and hard work.

For years, I mumbled, avoided tough conversations, and suppressed vulnerable emotions because I aligned myself with masculine traits instead of also embracing the feminine parts of me that enjoyed a deep conversation.

This resulted in failed relationships because I didn’t communicate expectations or discuss critical behaviors.

Voice coach, Hillary Wicht, discusses this voice restriction we create in her TedX talk From Battle of the Sexes to Balance of the Sexes. Nature determines whether you have a naturally high or low-pitched voice, but how you were nurtured determines how you use that voice. Society or others can cause us to stifle our voice, decreasing our power and creating challenging dynamics.

Consider this observation from Hillary.
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Would any of your previous relationships have been different if someone had encouraged you to be vulnerable often or stand stronger for your beliefs?

Solution:

Empower your voice by identifying what Hilary calls your “power leaks” in it - habits, inflection, or other speaking methods that inhibit your authenticity and decrease influence when you speak.

Then go back & uncover WHY you might be speaking that way.

Action:

Start with an assessment. Ask your partner to help you track your speaking habits for a week. (They might know your speaking patterns already without this exercise.) Then, narrow in on these areas:

1. What speech patterns do I make that cause you to listen to me more?

2. What speech patterns do I make that cause you to be disengaged from what I am saying?

Consider why you might be talking in a certain way.

• a parent’s guidance

• a group of friends growing up

• society, work, MTV 🤪 

Then, discuss any stories or influences affecting your speech and communication.

Conclusion:

If you can enhance your speaking techniques and empower your voice, you’ll create a more authentic presence, which will help you and your partner connect in deeper conversation.

🌱🌱
Thrive together,

Michelle

P.S. In the mid-month PULSE check-in, I discuss common power leaks that negatively affect your voice. Upgrade to the Growth plan today and receive it in two weeks.

P.P.S. I challenged myself to hear from 101 people in 101 days about how they are use strategy in their relationship. So far, most people think they aren’t using it at all!

But having dinner together every night? That’s a meeting and a strategy for connection.

Share your strategy (or what you want to implement) here.