3 Steps to Grow Your Relationship Like a Plant

Dig, Plant, Water

Go beyond the surface, take action, and keep giving it attention.

Understanding plants will help you understand why you need to dig, plant & water your relationship.

Growing plants can be challenging even if you have a green thumb. It wasn’t until I was 31 years old that I kept my first houseplant alive. Six years later, I have 47! (Need a plant to get you started? Try a jade plant.)

Plants, like relationships, need the same three steps which hold the same three intentions of cultivating beyond the surface level, prioritizing, and consistently giving attention.

Here are the steps:

DIG

• Plant: Choose a pot (or the ground) and make a hole large enough for the plant’s root system to spread out and feel comfortable, but don’t overwhelm it with space.

• Partner: With your partner, start digging deep, and understanding one other. Give each other enough space to share your thoughts freely without feeling constricted or disconnected. This includes communicating your own desires and needs.

  • Examples: sharing your goals, establishing boundaries to protect your goals and time together, and actively listening.

PLANT

• Plant: Carefully place your plant (or seed) in the hole and cover it with soil. Press down on the soil around the roots and stem to condense the soil and give the plant stability.

• Partner: Once you’ve received clear insights into what each other wants and needs, it’s time to be selective and identify what you want to grow. A discussion without a next step is just a discussion. A discussion with a specific next step is an action plan.

  • Examples: committing to a monthly date night, shoring up your budget, or building a business together.

WATER

• Plant: Water the plant. Water is essential for any plant to grow, stay healthy, and stay alive. Each plant enjoys different amounts of water.

• Partner: Give your relationship consistent, relevant attention and care. The form of that attention and care will look differently for each couple and each goal you are working towards.

  • Examples: set a cadence for regular conversations on topics that aren’t the day-to-day doldrums and which fit your schedule, complete the things you say you’ll do, and always set aside time for just the two of you.

By following these simple steps: dig into a conversation, identify what you want to grow together, and consistently give that desired area attention, you will strengthen the roots of your relationship and grow to new heights.

Remember, just like with growing plants, you must be mindful of your efforts so you aren’t over or under-watering the aspect of the relationship you want to grow. Stay nimble and pivot to what your partner needs.

And don’t give up. Being willing to plant and replant the same seed over and over until you get it right.

I could have stopped buying houseplants after I killed the first twenty of them. Instead, I continued to challenge myself by planting another seed. It wasn’t the plant that needed to change, it was me. I needed to learn more about the plant to understand it and then change how I cared for it so that it could flourish.

You can do the same with your relationship. There’s no better time to start than today.